Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Remembering ....

I feel as I start to write this that I have many thoughts swirling around in my brain. As I run in the morning one will twist around and come to the surface. "I need to write that down", and when I get home, something else has swirled to the surface.

A beautifully written post by my dear friend, Kristen, brought this one up. She lost her much loved daughter before she was born, 5 years ago. Kalila would be six now. I never said this to Kris, but I'm sure she felt it, as our kids played on the beach together this summer, I felt someone missing. There should have been two girls almost 6 and almost 7 playing in the sand, rather than just the one. I don't understand why God allows these things to happen but I do know His heart breaks with ours, that it was not in His original plan to have children die. It wasn't in His plan to have any of us die or experience pain, actually, but He did give us that darn free choice...and we used it...sigh.

My dear friend Heather phoned two days ago. It's been 9 years she said. "Nine years?!" I was instantly back to that day. The day that she kissed Sadie for the last time, left her heart with a complete stranger and trudged off to work. It was her first week and she wouldn't have to do it for long. The company was heading for consolidation and she would get a buy out. Sadie had a cold and she didn't like her bottle much...but what else could she do.
She told me she knew something was wrong when her desk phone rang. She thought maybe Kain had broken his arm at school. How could she know her world would stop in that moment?

I still remember where I was standing nine years and two days ago today when my phone rang. When Heather's aunt blurted out, "Heather's baby died!" My brain couldn't process the words but I started to sob instantly. It couldn't be true, not Sadie.
We miss her still, her mother and I. We remember her beautiful smile and the fact that she'd just started to sit. Her laugh bubbled up like a brook when you tickled her chin with her toes. I think she'd be too tall and too thin for her age, like her mom and her big bro. With red highlights in her hair. I bet she'd have skinned knees and be able to run like the wind, much like her crazy mom.

Here she is in one of the last photos taken of her and that's her mom at the age Sadie would be up in the corner....

God has blessed us all with more children but there are some that we can only carry in our hearts. I am waiting for that day when I will be able to see my two dearest friends reunited with their daughters.

Until then....

I remember.

10 comments:

LoriD said...

Shay, this was beautiful. It's lovely that your friends feel safe reminising with you about their losses. My heart goes out to them and you.

Hunny Bee said...

Okay, I'm sobbing here. My heart goes out to your friends. I have no idea how people get through times like that but I know that it must be God's grace. And I'm sure having friends like you to remember and share with helps too. Beautiful.

Aunt Becky said...

And now, we will all remember.

the mama bird diaries said...

Very touching. And I'm sure your friends appreciate it so much. Remembering is the greatest gift you can give.

InTheFastLane said...

I have saved this post, in my reader, longer than I meant to without commenting. Maybe because it makes me remember that 4 years ago, a dear cousin of mine gave birth to a still born baby boy. I think about him often, but I don't say anything the the mom, partly because I don't know what to say and I am not sure if it will hurt her more for me to let her know that I remember. I do need to talk to her though.

Lori said...

Your friends are so lucky to have you. I know I treasure each and every one of my friends and family who take the time to let me know, now and then, that they remember. It doesn't have to be often. In fact, it might be a little awkward if it were. But now and then, it is really, really nice.

My heart goes out to your friend Heather and of course Kristen as well. I always love reading about her and all of her children, including Kalila.

LD said...

This was beautiful.

Mighty Morphin' Mama said...

What a beautiful post Shay! thank you so much for remembering our babies with us. My heart still aches for Heather, I can't believe it has been so long that Sadie has been gone.
I can't imagine how I could have got through losing Kalila without you there to cry with me. Knowing you were praying and just there with me. Love you so much.
You know I have such a tender spot in my heart for your sweet 7 year old, thank you so much for letting me fill my arms with her many times when they were aching for my own missing daughter.
Love you and thank you.

Sniz said...

What a sweet, sweet post. Think of all those sweet babies in heaven! I can't wait!

Badness Jones said...

I guess we all do what we have to do, get through what we have to get through, but I wish no one had to feel pain like these moms. I'm sure they're awfully glad of a friend like you to help them through.